A Random RPG Conversation

     A warrior (Hero) is standing near the entrance to a city, and approaches a young man (NPC) standing next to the road.  The two begin to talk about the fate of their world.  The warrior’s goal is to get the NPC to either give him some useful information, or to join his party.  Anytime one of them says or does something wrong, they shall be struck by a rubber chicken, which shall fall from the sky, and shall cause immense pain.
     ----
     Warrior:  (Leaps through the air, yelling a war cry as he chops the NPC in half) RAR!!!  *slice* Ha-ha!  Victory is mine!  (A rubber chicken pelts him upside the head, time is reversed)
     Warrior:  Greetings, townsperson!  I kill NPCs in my spare time!  (chicken)  Ow!  I mean…beautiful weather today.  (thunder, followed by downpour) (chicken) OW!  (Rain stops)  What do you know about the castle about three miles to the north?
     NPC:  Who cares?  (chicken)  I don’t know.  (chicken)  I have no brain.
     Warrior:  Oh, well that’s…strange.  (chicken)  That’s unfortunate.  (chicken)  You’re an NPC, what do you expect?
     NPC:  Respect.  (chicken)  Acknowledgement.  (chicken)  A personality.  (chicken)  An absence of pain?  (chicken)  To be killed relentlessly at the whim of any psychotic gamer?  *cringe*
     Warrior:  What was that for?  (chicken)  I am a psychotic gamer!  (chicken)  I know what you mean by “absence of pain”…  (chicken)  Tell me how to get to the castle.
     NPC:  Why don’t you walk and find out? (chicken) Shoot yourself from a cannon. (chicken) Walk north for about a mile, then you’ll have to climb through mountains infested by man-eating monsters, and finally cross a swamp where you will likely meet your inevitable doom at the hands, or should I say teeth, of an overgrown mutant venus flytrap, or a group of Boobahs.
     Warrior:  Oh, no!  Boobahs!  Kill me now! (chicken) No!  I won’t go! (chicken) Throw all the chickens you want, but you can’t make me go! (chicken) I...will not...be silenced!! (chicken) (chicken) (chicken) (chicken) (chicken) (chicken) (chicken) I’ll go.  Mind joining me?
     NPC:  I’m an NPC, remember? (chicken) Hey, I’m more than happy to give you a friendly piece of advice, but I want no part in you insane suicidal quest for glory. (chicken) Eh, why not?  I’m Bob, and I have no special abilities whatsoever, but I can train to do just about anything.
     Warrior:  Great, another worthless mouth to feed. (chicken) What?  I have to train you?!  That’ll take forever! (chicken) Okay.  I don’t know what my name is, everyone just calls me Hero.
     Bob:  Hero, huh?  That’s kinda stupid.
     Warrior:  *chops Bob in half* Bloody smart-ass.